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May 29, 2010

I don’t want this blog to be an outlet for overcast phases of life, but I can’t help but share that this struggling garden is metaphorical for how my mind is carrying on as of late. It had great intentions, but after being neglected for six days, used as a giant litter box for the neighborhood cats, and meals for the surrounding squirrel population, it’s pretty bare.

The first months of pregnancy are difficult for me. Something about the way my body deals with the new hormones and human being growing inside me sets a path for a real lack of joy, patience, gentleness, and positivity. In short, I’m not myself and I’m not at my best. I find myself listening to weary Patty Griffin songs, feeling discontent, critical, and generally really, really unhappy with myself. A part of me knows that this is my hormones and not reality, but the larger part of me can get enveloped in the snowball of self-serving melancholy.

One thing that continues to point me back in the right direction is to be reminded of how much I have and for what I am deeply grateful for. Having a posture of gratitude has been a real soul goal of mine for the past few years, and He has been faithful to support me in this. When I try to hook my mind into the reality of the fact that I have a baby developing inside of me and that a new life and soul is on earth, I can’t help but feel thankful and undeserving.

There may be fewer plants in that garden than there were a week ago, but the strong ones survived. I’ll keep watering those little guys and say thank you every time I water them. Please feel free to share what you’ve been grateful for lately – it can be as significant as Redemption or as silly as Sonic drinks. I can’t help but be encouraged by what the people I care about are thankful for.

5 Comments leave one →
  1. jessica kiehn permalink
    May 29, 2010 1:04 pm

    Shannon, I remember exactly how I felt the first trimester and yes, it is rough. But I am a firm believer in ruling and reigning over my body. We are in charge of it. No, you can’t change the hormones that you’re having right now (and you wouldn’t want to-they’re so purposed!) but you can tell your body to line up and bless you during this pregnancy, not harm you. We spoke over my body all the time that it would joyfully receive the life it had been given to brood over for the next 9 months. Our words are powerful, speak beautifully over your spirit, soul, and body, and over that precious baby.
    You’re doing great, don’t be so hard on yourself, just do the very best you can and ultimately realize that YOU can’t do it all. Give it to Him.
    I love you.

  2. millison permalink
    May 29, 2010 1:38 pm

    Shannon, you’re so high performance, I imagine that when your body is not it’s energetic normal self you probably would feel a little depressed. So as far as the hormonal challenges go, I hope you will be very easy on yourself and just minimize goals and expectations–both for yourself as well as your family.

    As far as the garden goes, I’m SO impressed with the lovely garden box you’ve built! Danny is going to build you a chicken wire box to go over your garden, and then you can lift it up whenever you want to work in it. I experienced the same cat-box struggle the first time I ever made a garden. I was so mad. I couldn’t believe the neighborhood cats would disrespect my garden like that. I built chicken wire boxes when we lived in Meridian Mississippi and they worked well. Used them to cover my tomato plants from birds and squirrels.

    Blessings upon you Shannon, and your newest little one. And please remember to take it easy. With everything. It’s gonna be ok love.

  3. Molly permalink
    May 29, 2010 2:22 pm

    Those lettuces look good! I’ve never managed to grow lettuce– my poor little plants usually die right after sprouting.
    Anyhow, one thing I was grateful for recently was the chance to hang out with some lady-friends. It was so great having my house full of sisters and sisters-in-law last week; I wish we could do it more often.

  4. Sheryl permalink
    May 30, 2010 1:51 am

    Ahh….the amazing journey of being a woman! I love the comments of Jessica, Millison and Molly. What an amazing gift we have to be women, and travel the amazing journey each of us are destined to travel. Shannon, you’re awesome. Dance, laugh, relax and revel. Remember the needlepoint message I had hanging in your nurseries for years?……”Cleaning and scrubbing can wait ’til tomorrow, for babies grow up, we’ve learned to our sorrow, so quiet down cobwebs, dust go to sleep, I’m rocking my baby and babies don’t keep”! Such a message…..there is always going to be chores/projects/work to be done around the home. But the precious moments of life (of LIVING) is what is most important. If the garden doesn’t grow, the farmer’s market is around the corner. If the floors don’t get mopped, Naftalie’s shirt will get a little dirty, but it’s not the end of the world. If you can’t have homemade/grown organic food 100% of the time, it’s ok. Everything in balance. I love you. We have each other (family/friends) and that is what I’m very thankful for!

  5. May 31, 2010 11:06 am

    Thank you ladies Love you each very much.

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